Throughout this blog, I’m not shy about calling out what I consider to be good or bad behaviors. I want to be clear in my language about what I consider to be unacceptable or exemplary. However, it’s not fair or reasonable to do that without providing the metric by which I’m judging.
There are many aspects to DMing and I couldn’t hope to cover them all here. I’m not suggesting that I’m the grand arbiter of proper roleplay etiquette. I’m not saying that whatever thing you’re doing is wrong. I'm not even saying that I successfully hold to these ideals when I’m DMing. I’m just making my best attempt at clear communication, regarding the path I’ve identified to good times.
Towards this end, there are some things I believe a good DM does and does not do. The driving principle of DMing is ensuring that the game remains enjoyable for both themselves and the players. If anybody in the group is having a bad time, you’ve failed miserably.
I use the language of “enjoyable”, “good time”, and “bad time” intentionally. Words like “fun”, “exciting”, or “negative” are far too loaded. I believe that the greatest praise a host can receive is an unprovoked and entirely sincere, “I had a good time”. For me, that’s always the goal.
A good DM should work with the players whenever possible. Be on their team. Consider their input. Set aside time to check in with their character goals and metagame interests.
Use this alliance and information to help the players play exactly the character they envisioned. The fewer barriers between their mental image of their character and the game-rule version, the better. Use homebrew content liberally.
If a player wants to play a full-blooded Orc in your Human-only world, do your best to make it happen. Work with them to find an equivalent that delivers the feel they want but doesn’t clash with the setting too hard. They could be a particularly large man, a monster, or some strange creature from beyond. Don’t penalize them for wanting to be special. Help them be special!
There’s no good reason to veto flavored equipment. If a player wants their longsword to be a katana or their bow to be a giant rubber chicken, facilitate that. It seems super obvious, but the amount of DM’s that fight for their super special setting rather than their players enjoyment is staggering.
The DM/Player relationship has an inherently adversarial aspect to it. You’re playing the bad guys. Those bad guys are trying to wipe the party. The players are trying not to get wiped.
It’s more important for you than any of the players to avoid metagaming. You cannot target the healer because it’s the most tactically sound option. You can’t conveniently take the thief’s hidden lockpick. He hid that specifically so it wouldn’t be detected. You don’t know the wizard has a scroll of teleport, so don’t put up anti-teleport wards. In both cases, they trusted you not to use their own ideas against them.
I put such a strong emphasis on developing interesting characters, rather than mapping out specific encounters and challenges, because it naturally avoids these situations. It ensures that each character simply acts according to their personality and goals rather than as a vehicle for the DM to hassle their players.
That said, your characters should always try their best. Your magic assassin should definitely try to kill the players in their sleep. Your anti-magic shrine maidens should absolutely prepare the battlefield. Poison is an effective tactic in many scenarios.
As players have additional interactions with these characters, the bad guys can fine-tune their gear to battle the players’ specific builds. Do that as a matter of roleplaying and not a matter of metagaming. If a fort was captured and every single corpse was burned to a crisp, it only makes sense for the boss to employ some anti-fire solution.
The greatest feeling in the world for a DM is when players are engaged with their world and lore. A crucial aspect of getting folks engaged is getting folks involved. Throughout this blog I strongly encourage players to muster up their confidence and assert lore bits over whatever world they’re in.
An assertion is a claim a player makes about the world. “I’m a noble from one of the 12 houses of Nod.” Your world never had a Nod and certainly not 12 houses. The player has asserted a new facet to your world history and lore.
The bad DM gives the player a list of reasons why their idea is stupid and rejected. The average DM tries to trick the player into changing bits of their idea until it fits their original mold. The good DM assimilates this new idea into the world and begins utilizing it.
The player has actively identified a piece of lore they’re interested in. UNPROVOKED! This is your golden opportunity to get them engaged. Don’t squander it.
Throughout the game, the 12 houses of Nod should make regular appearances. It could be as simple as a letter from home about a political squabble. It could be as big as a whole story arc that will influence the player’s position in the 12 houses of Nod. Do something with it but don’t overplay it to death. You don’t need to mention a rumor about it every time the players are in a tavern. It’s a fun flavor detail but not the main focus of the campaign.
Make sure you have a sit-down with the player and get all the info they can share about their assertion. Take special care not to bastardize their creation. You know you’ve got it right when the other players start adding details to their own characters.
A lot of what makes a DM good or bad comes down to intent. You’re either there to make sure everyone has a good time or you’re there to stroke your own ego while everyone is forced to watch. (Is this dramatic monologue actually pushing the game forward? Could a blind monk tell you didn’t get the part in your high school production of Hamlet?)
You’ll notice that almost nothing on this blog is about story, exp charts, challenge ratings, tactics, or world building. The honest truth is that all of that has to be done but none of it is important. It is characters and discovery that drive roleplay.
The story, the rules, and even the dice are all just tools to put characters into interesting scenarios that they must then respond to. The unpredictability of these scenarios (even to the DM) is the beauty. It’s that “x factor” that keeps us coming back and always finding new things. Don’t go blind to it. Don’t let it get lost in the shuffle of papers and dice.
The good DM understands why we all drove 30 miles, set aside 6 hours, and told our wives we were too busy to go out : _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.